Sometimes people suggest I know nothing of male/female relationships in the workplace because I’m gay. To the contrary, metaphorically I’m in the stands so what I see is a different and possibly better view from those on the field (so to speak).
I asked one of the senior analysts if I could speak with him privately. I said: “Quit humping the leg of the intern.” Now, to be clear, he was a good man with strong ethics and very professional. I can’t read minds, but my guess is that he got his signals crossed.
The intern in question sat at the desk next to me. So I saw firsthand how uncomfortable she was with the attention from the senior analyst. (Finding reasons to drop by her desk every few hours, trying to get to know her personally with questions, etc., etc.)
I saw something and I took action.
Three Take-Aways:
1
If you see potential harassment, speak up. A lot of trouble for everyone can be averted.
2
There’s a big difference between a one-time thoughtless lack of judgement and a predatory repeat offender. A man who responds appropriately to being spoken to privately may not express thanks, but he will be glad.
3
You don’t have to be the person’s boss if you know them. This is a good way to de-escalate a potentially volatile situation.
Back to the gay thing: As a gay man, I’ve learned to suppress my instinct to stare at or pay attention to men I’m attracted to in the workplace. This is so because a lot of straight men hate being hit on by gay guys. Straight men ought to suppress their attraction to women in the workplace, too. Gay men who hit on straight men risk getting their ass kicked. Maybe the workplace would be better if straight men faced the same risk?